Happiness is a blanket scarf

Hello one and all! I’m not sure if my title will turn into a weird metaphor by the end of this post but for the moment I mean it very literally. If you know me, you will probably know that I basically show no emotions and that it’s actually very hard for me to show that I’m happy. But how can I be sad when I have a scarf that is a blanket? That’s basically the pinnacle of life right there. Anyway, I digress. The point of this post is to give you a bit of background.

So much happiness!

So I’m a painfully shy introvert who tends to remain quiet in any social situation – this much pretty much everyone knows about me and I am always faced with such questions like “Why are you so quiet?” or “Are you okay? You look upset/angry.” The only answers I can give to these are “That’s just my personality” or “That’s just my face – I generally look like I have no desire to be near people even when I’m actually enjoying myself”. It’s just the way it is and unfortunately, when it is brought up, it does make me very self-conscious and ultimately I clam up even more. What you may not know is the fact that I have struggled with depression and social anxiety since I was about 11. I’m still not great at expressing this to even my closest friends, even though I have got so much better in the last few years, so it would appear that the only way I can actually talk about this is through this blog post, mainly just to avoid the embarrassment of actually talking about myself to other people. I hope that, by writing this, people don’t feel like they have to tiptoe round me, I would just like to make everyone aware of something that I internalise quite a lot. I appreciate a lot of people will feel very different to how I feel so this is just my experience and I don’t want to come across selfish or anything.

I was bullied a lot throughout primary and high school and even a bit in college. I mean, this isn't the entire reason for my depression, I reckon some of it is just my personality and the way I'm wired anyway, but it certainly contributed. I don’t think I really realised I had depression until I was about 16/17 and had put my entire experience down to just being a teenager which probably stopped me from getting any help sooner or at least expressing how I felt. I always felt like (and still do sometimes) I didn't belong anywhere. My depression, coupled with social anxiety, has sometimes left me feeling isolated, unappreciated and in constant need of someone to tell me that I am enough and that my friends do actually like me and don't think I'm a burden. I just never seemed to quite fit in, and so I turned to literature – books, film, TV and music – as a way to escape. I still do this to an extent, it is one of the ways that I find happiness. I mean this love of literature has basically shaped my entire life – I'm doing an English Literature degree and I have an offer for a Creative Writing MA – and yes, sometimes it is hurtful when people belittle me for choosing to do an Arts and Humanities degree but I know that this was always going to be the path that I took. Literature has really helped me through some pretty dark times of my life and, as I would like to be a writer, if I could help and offer just one person a way of escaping then it’s all worth it, isn't it? In a way, I don’t know who I would be without my depression, it has come to shape me as a person but I have got better in the last few years and, although the scars will probably always be there, I'm slowly becoming the person I actually want to be.

Anyway, sorry for the slightly longer post and it’ll be business as usual next time as I have a few theatre visits lined up, and, as I said before, I hope this post doesn't change anyone’s opinion of me or make it seem like I'm selfish or anything.

The NHS website has some pretty useful information about depression and there’s a self-check tool there too, as well as links to various charities that offer help.   

The Trip to Ireland

Way, way back in November, my flatmate Megan asked me if I wanted to go to Northern Ireland to spend the weekend with her and her family at her home for her birthday. Any normal person would have thought great, a holiday after January exams, but for me, it was a Big Deal. I had never set foot in an airport, never been on an aeroplane and never been abroad (although that one is still true). You know that icebreaker that tutors always like to play – tell us your name and an interesting fact about yourself – well those were always my go-to! But finally, after much cajoling from Megan and my parents, I decided that well, it couldn't hurt to go to Ireland on a plane and at least I would be with someone who knew what they were doing. So the day of the flight came round, I had had a really bad night’s sleep and was sick with nerves, but I managed to get to the airport in one piece and I hadn't burst into tears, which was always a bonus! I managed to rally after a very sugary drink from a café and was feeling a bit more up for it by the time our plane was due. But then disaster struck! Our plane had been delayed by an hour and a half due to bad weather which just meant that I had more time to worry! But after much support from Megan, I was slightly calmer by the time we could board the plane.

Made it onto the plane in one (not weeping) piece!

This being my first ever flight, I’m going to bore you with the details of my actual experience of flying – not that there are too many, it was a pretty straightforward flight and nothing went wrong! My head swam a bit because of the air pressure and I never really got the hang of how the seatbelts worked (I will admit, Megan did have to help me out once we got to Ireland!) but other than that, flying was a pretty fun experience! It was cloudy and we were just flying over sea so there wasn't that much to see but it was still fun seeing all the boats and the earth from above! Obviously it was a perspective I had never seen the earth from! Other than that, I suppose flying is pretty much the same as travelling on a train really, just a tad faster! The flight back, however, was less of a fun experience. Once again, our flight was delayed and the weather could have been better. There was some turbulence which wasn't the greatest and not going to lie, I’ll felt a bit sick. At least, since it was night-time, the lights of the towns were pretty and I managed to get some reading done so it wasn't a complete write-off! And we got back in one piece!

Genuinely terrified about being blown into the sea!

The wild Irish sea at the Giant's Causeway

Walking the Walls at Derry

The Dark Hedge

I had a fantastic time in Ireland and being by the sea when the weather was so wild was a new experience for me. I'm from a landlocked county and have only been by the sea in the summer so it was great to see it so completely crazy! And it was great just seeing new places and having a Game of Thrones tour of Ireland from my wonderful friend and her family! Definitely worth getting on a plane for!

My Week at the Theatre

So this week has been very busy for me! You'll be getting any other post soon about my recent trip to Northern Ireland but for now, I'll tell you about my immediate trip to the theatre tonight. Also check out the new Sheffield Theatres website which is very colourful and full of jaunty angles! It's much easier to navigate and soon there will be the option to buy Live for 5 tickets online.

The Crucible and the Lyceum

Tonight I went to see King Charles III at the Lyceum. I'm going to say straight off that I'm still not entirely sure if I enjoyed this play. I mean, it’s a really clever concept but it felt a bit jolted. The premise of the play is a pretty simple one: it revolves around the immediate aftermath of the Queen's death and how Charles can prove himself as a ruler. But it is executed as if it is a Shakespearean history play, though set in the future. The writing is very much in that Shakespeare mode - blank verse and iambic pentameter. It was incredibly self-consciously Shakespearean and I felt as though it was a mixture of Hamlet, Macbeth, Romeo and Juliet and Richard II. It certainly wasn't what I was expecting, even though I'm not sure what I was expecting. The main theme was personal and national identity as all the characters try to work out who they are within the public and private spheres. The set and the acting were very good, I'm just a little unsure of the concept as a whole. This show is a touring production so is only on at the Lyceum for a couple more days. I would definitely recommend seeing it if you want to see a play that will make you think and it is a fabulous play to analyse! And for £5 (if you're 16-25) it’s worth it. If you can't make it to Sheffield, the next performance is on at Brighton Theatre Royal.

I will update this post at the weekend after I have been to see Waiting for Godot at the Crucible, but make sure to get your Live for 5 tickets for this weekend if you are at all interested!

Waiting for Waiting for Godot

So Waiting for Godot is one of those plays that most people have heard of but not many have seen performed. It’s one of those standard GCSE/A-Level texts which might put off some people because they’ve studied it to death, though may never have had the chance to see it live. Honestly, I think these sorts of texts are better to see live rather than reading them in a classroom because then you can catch the humour in the text and different theatre interpretations are always useful to help analyse the text. I find that Beckett – being an avant-garde writer – is more interested in exploring theatre rather than narrative and this was portrayed through the use of a very stark and minimal set – it seemed very post-apocalyptic. The plot is very minimal too and I think best summed up by the critic Vivian Mercier: "Waiting for Godot has achieved a theoretical impossibility—a play in which nothing happens, that yet keeps audiences glued to their seats. What's more, since the second act is a subtly different reprise of the first, Beckett has written a play in which nothing happens, twice". The plot itself is literally two men waiting for the unknown Mr. Godot and waiting in vain. The plot is so incredibly frustrating because they do not remember anything and so a lot of the speech is repeated in a slightly different way or at slightly different times. The acting was very good – Lorcan Cranitch and Jeff Rawle, who played Vladimir and Estragon, were on stage all the time and kept the audiences’ interest, even with the very minimal plot, through their humour and constant back-and-forth lines. I would definitely recommend seeing Waiting for Godot to everyone because it is a funny play, just don’t expect to understand it! Because Beckett was good friends with James Joyce, I think anyone doing the Modern Literature module this semester should definitely make the effort to go to see it because it is a great way to ease yourself into the crazy world of modern lit! And Live for 5 tickets have been extended to all performances so no one has any excuses not to go see it! Waiting for Godot is on at the Crucible until the 27^th of February.  

Oh Sew Fabulous

Hello again!

Sorry for the brief hiatus, my life has recently been taken over by exams and essays! But now that I am so very almost free (and whilst we all wait for the new theatre season to start again), I will share with you a few projects I have started which I hope to get back to before work overwhelms me once again.

Back in the summer, I started sewing little plush dolls as a project to keep me from going completely crazy. My mum taught me how to sew when I was very young and since then I’ve only ever sewn if a piece of clothing needed a bit of alteration done to it. These dolls were my first proper BIG project I’d completed and I’ve just kind of kept going with it, although without the help of a sewing machine (I hope to get one soon!). A couple of years ago, I went to Comic Con with my friend and we saw these plush dolls of pop culture figures, which were totally cool but pretty expensive! A year later, the idea popped into my head that I could make her a Harley Quinn plushie (she loves Harley Quinn!) for her birthday at a fraction of the cost. So I did my research, bought my materials, made a pattern, made a trial run out of an old pillowcase and then actually started making her. All in all she took about two weeks to make, giving me plenty of time to send her off to my friend who (I hope!) was pretty happy with Little Miss Harley Quinn!

Little Miss Harley Quinn

So that’s the story of how I got into sewing again and since then my collection of sewing paraphernalia has grown (sans sewing machine) and I started work on a plushie of Jon Snow, who has been regularly mistaken for Jesus. He’s taken me a little bit longer to complete, considering I started him back in Freshers’ Week and I haven’t had the time to pick him back up since, but now is that time! He’s mostly complete, just missing his cloak and Ghost, so I’m hoping that won’t take too much longer to do. I’m not sure where he’ll go once he’s finished but for the moment I think I’ll keep him on my desk and he can just chill with his very dour expression. As for my next projects, I think the Fellowship of the Ring is next on the list! I’m not really sure where all of this is going but it’s become my hobby, which is nice because I’m not a hobby kind of person! I hope that one day (once I buy a sewing machine) I can actually start making clothes and costumes and things like that, but, for the moment, sewing plush characters to stave off mental exhaustion is enough for me.  

Jon Snow knows nothing because his brain is literally toy stuffing! 

Everything I need to sew!

Thanks for reading and check back here very soon for some more theatre exploits!

Hello to you!

Hello and welcome to my new blog! So as a bit of background, I have started this blog mainly to share my theatre exploits but, you know, bits of my life might slip through the net.

Back in October I became a Young Ambassador for Sheffield Theatres with the aim of getting more young people to visit the Crucible, Lyceum and Studio that make up Sheffield Theatres. The Live For 5 scheme they run pretty much does what it says on the tin – anyone between the ages of 16 and 26 can get up to two tickets for selected performances on selected dates for £5 each. That’s cheaper than going to the cinema! Just go to the Crucible Box Office and set up a Live For 5 account and you’re off! I would also recommend paying in cash just to avoid the booking fee. If you’re at all interested please click here for the Sheffield Theatres website, here for the list of Live For 5 shows and here for the Live For 5 Facebook page.

'Showboat' programme! 

The Christmas musical this year at the Crucible is ‘Showboat’. I’ll admit I was sceptical when this was first announced. I had only heard of a couple of the songs and didn’t really know the story. But I was pleasantly surprised when the curtain rose on the 12^th of December at 7:15. You really forget how big the Crucible stage is until you see one of these productions – it’s so immersive as well for these big productions because you are so close to the stage. The story of ‘Showboat’ follows the floating theatre, the ‘Cotton Blossom’ and spans across four decades. The play starts in 1880s Mississippi and mainly follows the show boat’s captain’s daughter as she falls in love with a riverside gambler and makes a new life in Chicago, only to come back to the boat impoverished. However, this play is not a simple love story – the story is intrinsically about race and portrays the exploitation and working conditions faced even after slavery had been abolished. The themes of family and community are also closely intertwined with this and makes the musical itself much more complex and layered.

The singers were also all fantastic but the two I would highlight are Emmanuel Kojo and Gina Beck who played Joe and Magnolia respectively. Kojo started off the entire production and his voice was brilliant – just so rich. Beck was just like a 1940s movie star and her voice blended so well with the orchestra. All in all it was a very good production and if you can get to Sheffield to see it, I highly recommend it! ‘Showboat’ itself runs until the 23^rd of January and Live For 5 tickets have been extended for the 2nd of January, the 6th til the 9th of January and the 20th and 21st of January. And if you can’t get to Sheffield to see it live, BBC 2 is showing the 1951 film version on the 29^th of December starting at 8:45.

Some of my next season tickets. Still got a few more to get!

So there you go. Please keep checking back here for more theatre news and reviews and other random musings. I hope everyone has a happy new year!